after seizure #1 before #2 came and went...no fun!
if you do not want to hear a mama bitch...then move on my friends...cause bitching, whining and moaning is all your gonna get tonight...you know the day may not go your way when the coffee maker gives up the ghost before you have had your first cup...then the mailman brings you more envelopes with windows that may force you to sell your one able bodied child (news to him...ha!)...then you have to cancel physical therapy because miss courtney is whimpering and crying leaving her mama running her own investigating service as to why this is...wishing she could just tell me...no broken bones...tummy tapped for gas...no bruising anywhere...????...and you just know it's going to that kind of day...miss courtney was restless last night and had a hard time going to sleep...that should have been my first clue that things were awry...I got up with her a few times through the night...mostly to cover her back up when she kicked off her blankets...thereby getting cold...thereby waking up and complaining about being cold...thereby waking mama up and making sure she would come and tuck said princess back in nice and snug...rinse...repeat...rinse...repeat...you get the picture...so my weary and dreary brain has been functioning at a less than 30% capacity on any given day this winter as it is...you take away my sleep and my coffee...well...let's just say we are now in the negative digits...if that's even a possibility...I kept thinking throughout the day..."it's been worse"..."at least we are not in the hospital"...I kept telling myself that I could do this...as long as miss courtney was OK...I can handle anything...then the seizures started...sweet molly mcgee...if it ain't one thing...it's a seizure, by golly...there was shake, rattle and rolling...purple lips and pulsating body...gagging and choking on her own saliva...then there were hugs and rocking by her mama...sweet talk with a soothing voice...loving on my mighty princess who fights so hard...we recovered from one 6-7 minutes grand-mal seizure...rested for about 15 minutes...than whammo...we went for round #2...8-9 minutes...even harder than the first...I remained calm the first time...the second one??...well...if I am completely honest...I kinds of lost it...there may have been crying of hot tears of frustration and heartache watching my girl suffer so...there may have been some serious pleading to the Lord above to make it stop...there definitely was snot and serious nose blowing when the crisis past...followed by more soothing words for my girl and mama rocking...and praising to the Lord that it did stop...then peaceful sleep descended upon miss courtney and mama took a very deep, very long breath...at that point...there might have been a frantic search for the (feed the emotional bear) chocolate stash...which lead to a very desperate and frustrating fifteen minutes when NONE was found...how can this be???...is this NOT the Lenaburg house??...no coffee and no chocolate all in one day???...NNnnnooOOOoooo...on the up side...so far no ambulance needed...no ER...for now...the night is young and I don't know what will happen...then I got to thinking...do I ever??...no...I don't and most of the time I don't even think about it...then courtney has two massive seizures within one hour...and my world is tipped over and my caregiver confidence dissipates and the worry overwhelms me...miss courtney never lets me forget who is in charge of this train...never...I know that you are tired of listening to me complain here in this space...I get it...it's OK to stop reading and go and drink heavily...I know I would if I could...but the hot flashes that follow are so not worth it...I know that I made a video yesterday about how we are not alone in these hard moments...that this too shall pass...I still believe it...I do...all of that is true...it just totally sucks noodles as your going through it...that's all I am saying...sucks noodles!!...hope your day was better and there was coffee and chocolate...I am still looking for mine...(sad face)...
