Don't trust this face...cute or not...it can not be trusted...she is a ninja in disguise...
the day began bright and cheery...until I brushed Miss Courtney's hair and then she let me know that "bright and cheery" was not going to be happening for her...Rt 66 was pretty clear and we made it to Georgetown by 8 a.m...plenty of time to park and settle in for the 8:30 a.m. physical therapy appointment...she fell asleep in her chair five minutes before the therapist arrived to take her back...coincidence?...I think not...she grumbled the whole time...unusual for her but we dealt with it...of course she did manage to sneeze huge goobers of snot straight into my face...TWICE...all while we were working on standing...I should have just canceled the rest of my day right then...thrown in the towel and gone home...but no...not Mama Mary...super positive...always smiling...can laugh at any situation...nope...we shall soldier on...into the dark caverns of a very large garbage pail...after Courtney completed her hour of torture we headed over for the big reward...breakfast at the caf...scrambled eggs, grits and gravy...her favorite...cottage cheese and a small salad for Mama...not my favorite but palatable...I'm feeding her...she is happy...singing...humming...then with lightning quick speed...using a Ninja technique that Chuck Norris would love to emmulate... she flips the tray off the table with her foot...as she goes to cross her legs of course...and it lands EVERYWHERE...on her...on her chair...on the floor...on the table...on me...did I mention EVERYWHERE!!...inside my head I release such a string of colorful metaphors, I even astonish myself...using my outside voice I simply bowed my head and took a vvveeerrryyyyy long deeeeeeeep breath... I told Courtney in a supremely calm voice that that was NOT cool...then she really laid it on...she laughed...SHE LAUGHED AT ME...homicide came to mind as I used approximately 2,378 baby wipes to clean everything up...including the floor...since no one was coming to my rescue...they just sat there and stared at the unruly handicapped child in the wheelchair and her idiot caregiver... currently on her hands and knees cleaning the freaking floor...it was a beeeeuuuutiful moment of motherhood...I realized that I had to change her clothes before going to get her CAT Scan done...I mean we couldn't have her lifted to the table and scrambled eggs falling out of the folds her pants...that's just gross...how the heck was I going to do that?...sweet molly mcgee...why do things have to be so dang hard sometimes?...enter one handicapped bathroom stall...one overweight Mama...one giggling young adult bent on non-compliance with said Mama...and using moves like Houdini...with her wheelchair as a "changing table" (I use that helpful term very loosely)...I managed to get her jeans, shoes, braces, socks and diaper off and new ones put on...except the shoes and braces...those I just wiped off with the other 394 wipes I had left...and it only took me 45 MINUTES...AAAhhhh!!...I was sweating like I had done the stairmaster...there may have been some huffing and puffing involved as well...but I darn well did it...all while little Miss Sassy Pants Princess Pie smiled and giggled like she had just won the freaking lottery...ARGH!!...sometimes this whole motherhood of a "special one" makes me want to curl up in a ball in the corner and never move again...it's safer there...no one bothers you...anyway there was no time to waist...so off to Radiology we went to get the CAT Scan done...registration went smoothly...they actually had all the paperwork and it was correct...que choir of angles now...two large former football players now turned Radiology Techs lifted my girl on to the table...thank you LORD for big burley kind men who are willing to lift without me even asking...the did it while complimenting my daughters curly hair and happy smile...she just batted her eyelashes and giggled like a flipping doe eyed school girl...then the ultimate horror story for Courtney came true...they had to strap her down...even taped her head so she wouldn't move...I am being completely honest here and you may hate my guts afterward...but in that moment...I didn't feel sorry for her...not one bit...all I saw was the dried grits still on my pants...OK...but that didn't last long...especially when she started sounding like Chewbacca during mating season...yowza that girls has some lungs...I sang to her...I rubbed her legs...I held her hands...nothing would soothe her...the techs moved as fast as they could and thank heavens...in less than 15 minutes...Princess Courtney was gently placed back in her chariot and we were free to go...you would think she would be happy at that point...and I suppose she was...she proceeded to poop for the entire 45 minutes drive home...not just any kind of regular poop...but the impressive "mess my pants and make Mommy cringe at changing me while wondering if these jeans would ever be clean again kind"...oh yes...it's been a grand splendiferous day...the only bright spot...her CAT Scan was clear and sinus surgery will not be required...well slap your Mama...oh wait...she already did that.
